Push

I slouch in my chair when I'm with my friends.

And use words like “shit” and “fuck”.

She hates it when I curse around her,

And I apologize for it in her presence;

For my habitual potty mouth.

Sometimes it just slips out.

The way "I miss you" accidentally escapes my lips,

Down my arms and into my finger tips,

Then pounces on the word ‘Send’

Even though I saw her hours before.

The way I mistakingly add beautiful

To the end of every good morning.

Every good night.

I am predictable.

Predictable as the sun will rise and set.

Predictable as her fear of diving in.

She says she once dove into the shallow end.

It took her over two years to hit the bottom.

She wants to learn to swim again

But she won't let me teach her.

Cool, chlorinated water on just my toes

Can't satisfy my craving.

August sun beating down, 

My blood is beginning to boil,

And I'm inching into the deep end,

Trying to pull her with me.

She's fighting me. Crying.

Panic painted on her face.

Either I pull her in and she drowns,

Or I watch her bask in sunlight from afar.

Her fear stares me blankly in the eyes,

And for once, I am unpredictable.